If you’ve been reading my Facebook, Twitter and other statuses and my photoblog you would have known that I’ve been in the Cape for the last few days.  One of the main reasons we went was to visit my grannies who are both in Frail Care facilities (in Somerset West and Hermanus).

Well, actually, that’s not quite true.  I didn’t actually want to visit my granny in Somerset West.  But I did end up going to see her, and I’m very glad that I did.

You may think that’s strange… that I wouldn’t want to visit her.  But, you see, the last time I saw her, she had no idea who I was.  At the time she was still mobile and could talk… and had no idea who I was, and wouldn’t even look at me.  And this year, Granny Sylvia took a turn for the worse, and just after New Year everyone thought she would die.  In fact, she was taken off all medication… for her heart etc.  Yet, she recovered… to some extent.

Anyhoo, I visited her on Monday morning.  Thankfully my mom showed me a video that she took when she visited her earlier on this year.  I wasn’t shocked when I saw her at all.  I was prepared for what she looks like. The biggest surprise though, was that I think she knew I was there.

Not that she can talk at all.  My mom says the sounds she makes sounds like a bird.  I don’t think so.  I think it sounds like she’s on a ventilator.  But she looked at me as if she knew me… and she opened her mouth like she was smiling.  And anyway, even if she didn’t… the fact that I think that, is enough for me.  I’m glad I went.  And I’m also glad that I saw her sitting in an armchair… even though I know she can’t move.  It’s more dignified that lying down all the time.   It was a very short visit in the end… less than 10 minutes, because she fell asleep while she was watching me.

This is not how I’ll remember her though.  I’ll always remember her walking around my mom’s garden singing.  And walking around the house singing.  And laughing at Christmas parties while doing party tricks because she was always so supple with all the yoga she used to do.  The way that she is living now… is not living.  It’s not her anymore.  She’s just a shell.  And it’s so hard to accept.

As for my other granny… we took the boys to visit her in Hermanus on Monday afternoon.  She loved seeing the kids, although they weren’t enamoured by the place… so I went on my own on Tuesday morning for a longer visit.  She’s changed a lot as well… and in her case, I didn’t realise how frail she’d got.  Yes, my dad had kept me up to date with her progress, but being there just hit home how much she’s lost her independance.  She’s still fighting though… I just hope she fights a whole load more!

She’s hurt her knee again, and is now not able to walk at all.  So on Tuesday, Aunt Cheryl and I had to lift her to help her get to the phone to speak to my dad.

I really really hope that she does fight it… and she stays determined to make her knee work again even though it’s so sore for her exercise.  Because I couldn’t bear her losing all her physical  independance.  It’s bad enough that her mind is confused at the moment (she’s getting dementia).  At one point she pointed at a photo of her and Grandpa hanging on the wall, and asked Aunt Cheryl who the lady was… she’d been wondering about it for a few days.

One of the things that she complained about a lot while I was there, was the food.  She moans that they feed her a lot… but it’s not tasty.  Now my Granny was an amazing cook.  I LOVED going to lunch at her house.  I loved the simple lunches she made for my grandfather, that we ate when we stayed with her for the day… and I loved the big family spreads she cooked when we went for family lunches.  It’s really sad that she can’t cook or bake anymore.

It’s so hard watching these 2 woman who have always been so very strong, and always so independent, live like this.  It’s not fair.  Yet, I know that it’s inevitable… this happens to most people as they get old.  It’s just so hard to accept.