You know I’ve booked my boudoir shoot for this month’s bucket list item?  Well, I did. And I’ve already actually paid for it in full.

Today, I was determined to go hunting for one or all of my outfits that I’m going to wear during this shoot.  So after meeting up with Tiana to collect my next gadget that I’m reviewing for Girl Guides, I decide to go shopping.

First let me say, that I know what my flaws are… my tummy isn’t exactly flat, and my boobs aren’t exactly big, and my hips are not exactly small… so my plan is to get those body chemise/baby doll outfits to hide my tummy… and a bra and panty outfit with those stocking hookup jobs.

I make a beeline for Woolies first because I’d seen slinky outfits in their Sandton store before… but they didn’t have my size in the one I wanted.  So, then I go to La Senza, my favourite place… and my oath didn’t realise the price! But anyhoo, tried a gorgeous black and pink spotty number on.  While I’m in the change room I start getting antsy about the way it’s looking even though it does actually fit (a concern in the beginning because of my flat chestness).  Then decide to wander over to Temptations… and bingo… found an outfit which is half the price and they had 20% off everything in the store… this time all black and lacy… and OMG made by Playboy which Lance thinks is extremely funny… it even has little Playboy thingy dangling between the bra cups.

Anyhoo, the point of this long ramble is the following… I’m now getting cold feet.  I think I look a little silly in the outfit, and my thighs stick out and it doesn’t really hide my tummy, and I have to be careful about the bra area or else it gapes.  Ho hum… me and my body issues.

I chose the photographer I did because I don’t want to look fake.  I want the photos to look like me.  However, I’m praying that she will make me look good even though it will be just me and my make-up and I won’t look like the frumpy lumpy mommy that I am.  My logical side of my brain is telling me to stop worrying because I chose her because I know she’s that good.

Seriously though, I should really have done this after doing a few months of gym… but we all know that’s unlikely to happen.

Oh well, I never said this bucket list was going to be easy.  It’s about getting out of my comfort zone and learning about myself.

When I got home and spoke to Lance about my insecurities he told me I was being silly, and that he loves me for me anyway, and he can’t wait to see the photos.  That doesn’t make it easier though.

And then a few minutes later, we watched SYTYCD and this dance happened…

… and Bradley says “Mommy, you are amazing..  just the way you are” and Lance smiles.

Best I get over myself.