I’ve been mulling over this topic for a while, but haven’t managed to get around to blogging about it.

When you get a form that asks how many dependants you have, you’re generally expected to fill in the number of children you have… not right?

Well, I don’t think that’s entirely accurate.

Just think about it, it’s not just your kids that are reliant on your income for survival, is it? Well, it’s definitely not in our case.

To start, our income has to pay for our living expenses including housing and food for ourselves and our children.  So that’s 4 people.  And that’s all we normally think about when we calculate things.  But there’s a load missing from this equation.

We have a full-time domestic working in our house, and she’s the breadwinner in her family (well apart from her one son that now shares the rent with her) and she has 5 dependants… one useless husband who hasn’t worked in 7 years, 2 sons (one of which is now working and the other one is still at school) and one grandson.  In addition, I know that some months she sometimes has to give money to her grandson’s mother who often ends up in shelters because of her circumstances.  So that’s another 6 that we provide for.

Then there’s our gardener who only works for us on Saturdays, so the money we pay him isn’t his sole income, and I know he lives on his own, yet I also know that he sends money home to support family there.

Then there’s Lance’s mom who we also support.

So, our household income actually has to provide for 12 people on a good month.

That’s a lot! But I also know that that’s not unusual, and it’s also not something that we normally think about.

Have you ever worked it out for your household?  How many people do you support directly without monthly donations etc?  I’m assuming that this is a South African phenomenon, primarily because the average home in the ‘burbs has some kind of full-time or part-time home helper or domestic worker or gardeners in our employ.  But it would be interesting to hear from non-Saffers in the comments

I’ve always had an issue when I’ve been asked what my 5 or 10 year plan is. Seriously, who really does that and seriously believes what they say? I’ve also always felt that my life has progressed because of small decisions and changes that are made every day, and that it’s a gradual process. I’ve also felt that where I am in life is because that’s where it’s led me and that I haven’t done anything magical to get it there, or made very strong decisions along the way to change course… they’ve just tended to happen.

I’ve also kinda believed over the last few years that I tend to go with the flow, not that that’s always a good thing, but I think because life has just worked so well, that going with the flow has been an OK thing to do.

Well, it turns out that I’ve changed my tune a bit about that.

Turns out that I’ve discovered a few things about myself in the last few weeks:

1.  Even though I’m happy to go with the flow to some extent, I need direction of sorts.

2.  There needs to be a grander plan of sorts, and if I can’t see it, then I’m not a happy camper.

3.  And I’m not a happy camper, then things have to change… fast.

So, I have a few decisions to make over the next while.  I need to get some control back.

In fact, that’s it! It’s control!! It’s always about control for me.

**This is becoming a ramble now because typing this out has made me realise the actual issue**

I’ve always been a bit OCD or maybe more than a bit (just ask my mom and Lance), but since Bradley was born I’ve let that go a bit.  And since Connor, I’ve really had to let that go.  I no longer have tight reins over everything the kids do in the house.  It’s no longer as perfect as I would like it.  I no longer have that control, and it’s been OK for a while.  And that’s rubbed off in other areas of my life… and actually… I’m NOT OK with it.

I need to get control back.

The question is… how?  And do I have the energy?

PS.  the photo may seem strange… but that’s how I feel at the moment… prickly

I had a few minutes to kill while I waited for photos to be printed, so I popped into Mr Price Home.  Now I’ve been eyeing out a huge corner leather couch effort from Coricraft for our lounge.

In fact, our couches are finished… and desperately need to be replaced… so I went wandering around the big furniture section for a change, and I came across this couch… (photo taken with phone hence the quality)

I love it! I love the retro feel to it, and it’s so well priced!

So now I’m thinking… 1 3-seater and 1 2-seater couches!  But I am concerned about the longevity of Mr Price furniture.  Hmm, what to do.  It’ll definitely be cheaper for me to go with Mr Price.

what I did do though, was follow through with my last blog post… and bought a new rug for the lounge.   What a difference that small change has made to the room already!

1.  There are some very clever people in Africa.  Entrepreneurs who are making a difference, and not just for themselves.  Tech4Africa was inspirational!

2.  My back-up system at home with my external hard drives don’t like the Mac… I have to reformat them to get them to work properly and that means erasing all the data.  Not good!

3.  I love taking photos at Batmitzvahs and Barmitvahs… I just love all the tradition, and all the fabulous dancing.  Every time I go to one I learn something new.

4.  Connor needs a new summer wardrobe and quickly… the weather is warming up rather fast and all his stuff is too small.

5.  Bought the boys 4 pairs of new shoes last week from Woolies… 2 of which are already broken! Useless!! And I don’t have time to sort it out!

6.  I need to make a plan to spend more time with my boys… Bradley was heartbroken because I didn’t watch him run on Thursday.

7.  I lost an earring at some stage this week… I have no idea how long I walked around with one earring for it could have been a few days!! Yes, I’m lazy that way.

8.  My car is so filthy that I can’t see out the windows, but I don’t have time to get it washed.

9.  I’m getting random shooting pains in my kidney area… especially when I’m driving in peak hour traffic… I need to get to the doctor I think… or spend less time in traffic.

10.  The huskies have chewed Beauty’s mobile.  It’s in pieces.  They grabbed it out of her bag while it was ringing, and she found Kimo choking on the ringing object :/  I need to replace it tomorrow.

You know the bed I blogged about over the weekend?

My oath it’s a large bed! Connor can barely climb onto it because it’s so high.

The king size duvet is dwarfed by the bed.  WTF now?  Can you get extra width duvets?  That’s gonna cost a fortune I’m sure.

But I must say… the sheets from that Time and Again collection from Mr Price are divine… 400 thread count and OMG so soft

Right… I’m off to do the big test… the comfort test… I’m exhausted and need to sleep

I have the day off work tomorrow… and I’m going to hopefully find more linen… and have coffee with my mom… before a photoshoot

**update** the bed was awesome and the duvet size wasn’t a problem because the bed is so wide

Apart from photoshoots, and meeting Angel at the venue for her wedding next week and my dad’s 60th birthday today, I actually did do something about the house for a change this weekend… we bought a new bed.

We’ve been threatening to get a new one for the last 2 years… seriously 2 years… we’re sad that way.  Every time I’ve given it some thought, there have been more important things to buy with the ludicrous amount of money that bed cost.

In fact, until yesterday, I must’ve been living in lala land about the cost of beds!

Anyhoo, yesterday morning, I threw all my toys out the cot when I got squished in bed yet again by the small “monster” aka Connor… and decided that we needed a King sized bed… today… another day was not going to go past without something happening.

So off we toodled, and bought the bed, which is being delivered tomorrow.

And that resulted me (with Bradley in tow) in traipsing through Cresta, World Wear centre, Lifestyle Crossing and Retail Crossing centres looking for duvets, linen and blankets for our new bed (because our old bed is queen sized).  And that was all done between 9:30am and 11am this morning. Poor kid was exhausted

OMW, what crud in the shops!! My first port of call was Woolies - NOTHING interesting (apart from the duvet inner which I bought there because they were better quality and cheaper than @Home).  @Home actually had beautiful grey embroidered duvet covers by Margaret Muir (and I had a 20% off voucher from a magazine that I’d bought)… but no sheets… so that was USELESS!

Eventually after going to 3 Mr Price Homes, 1 Woolies, and 2 @Home stores I bought one set of Time and Again plain duvet covers from Mr Price Home… so now I’m on the hunt for another set.

As for blankets and electric blankets… that was a fruitless search… I couldn’t find any.

At least I have some linen for when the bed arrives tomorrow.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned somewhere along the line that I don’t recycle much around my house, but I do recycle paper.

Now I’m a lazy  person, and it’s all about convenience for me.  Truely the only reason I recycle the paper is because it’s so damn easy.  Once a week, the Mondi guy comes around the area and collects his Ronnie paper pick-up bags, and he leaves refill bags for the coming week.  Every household in the area gets one back for his purpose.

So, then last week, I got a mail from the community news people saying that the recycling service is being extended. So now, they’ll also collect tin, plastic and glass. The instructions were to leave a bag filled with the new type of a waste on the kerb, and they would leave a seperate bag for it.

So I duly did that.

It seemed like a perfectly brilliant idea.  No hassle.  Easy.

Except there’s one BIG flaw in this plan.  The orange paper pickup bag that works perfectly well, is useless for other waste for a number of reasons:

1. Until you start recycling properly you actually have no idea how much of the stuff you collect in one week, and one bag is simply too small.
2. The instructions say to rinse your waste before putting it in the bin.  All very well and good, except it’s still smelly.  Paper doesn’t smell.  Other waste… well… it smells!
3. I have huskies… the smelly tins and empty milk containers are just so very tempting. No matter where I put the bag, the dogs smell it out.

So, there’s goes my recycling initiative for the moment… I don’t have time to phaff around with this stuff.  I need a proper bin… not a silly bag!

I feel so bad, but it’s gonna have to be done

My parents have had dogs most of my life.  I grew up with them in the house, and part of the deal is that in my family, dogs sleep in the kitchen.

However, having 2 puppies in the house is no laughing matter.

I love them to pieces, I do, but my God, that smell that greets me in the morning when I open the kitchen door has to be dealt with!! I cannot handle it! 

Exmi and a few other guys on Twitter have told me to crate the dogs at night.  Apparently if you put them in a box that they can’t climb out of, they’ll be forced to call if they need to wee.  The theory is that they won’t mess their den.  The problem with this is the following:

1.  Finding a box that’s big enough for these dogs.

2.  Our bedroom is upstairs, and it’s not going to be practical to run downstairs every time they cry… and it’ll take too long to take them downstairs and out the door if the box is upstairs with us.

So, tomorrow Lance will be going to find a kennel to put in the garden.  They should be fine, they’re huskies for crying out aloud… right?! Their genes are supposed to be used to the cold… right?!

I’m already dreading the half hour tomorrow morning that I’m going to be spending cleaning the mess and trying desperately to get rid of the smell

Then why do I feel so guilty?!

I’ve heard the most terrible heartwrenching stories in the last week, and I haven’t had a chance to blog about them yet.  This morning’s story was a little closer to home though, and it made me realise how many people rely on me, or rather us, to bring in a income to our household.

If you live in South Africa, take a moment to think about how many people your salary supports.  I don’t think this exercise can be done as easily in non-African countries as you don’t have people working in your house generally.

Right, here’s our list…

• Me, Lance and our 2 kids… that is what you normally think about and that’s normal.

But in our case, as with most South Africans, that’s not actually true.  Our list also includes:

• Lance’s mom – we pay rent for her and give her spending money because she’s on a govt pension
• The gardener – he lives alone but I’m not sure how many people his salary supports
• Our domestic worker, Beauty and her extended family – and this is where the list grows long.  Beauty and I often have chats in the morning before I leave for work so I know a lot about her family and home life.  On her salary she is supporting her husband (he lost his job in 2008), a 20 year old son who finished matric last year and hasn’t been able to find work (until now… he’s actually just got a contract job until Feb), and a 16year old son at school.  And then on top of this her eldest son has made his 18 year old girlfriend pregnant and her story is below.

So in total, our income supports 11 people that we know about.  Quite scary, isn’t it?!

Anyway, that’s my preamble… a long one I know… but here’s the important story and the one that threw me this morning.

Beauty’s son met this girl while they were at school together, and she’s now pregnant.  That’s actually the easy bit to the story.  Beauty was highly upset about what he’d done, but there’s very little she can do about it, except give support and help.  A (have no idea what her name is) is in matric this year and the baby is due in February.

She updated me on the saga this morning.  Apparently A’s mom kicked her out of the house 3 months ago because A refused to have an abortion, and A has been living in a shelter in Hillbrow since then (Beauty doesn’t have the space in her house)! Imagine kicking your daughter out of home, knowing that she’s in matric!

Beauty has been feeding her on my leftovers since then, and has been clothing her with all my old clothes that I give Beauty to sell for extra money.  Sometimes Beauty doesn’t go home with leftovers because we’re not exactly rolling in dough atm and I’m trying to be careful with overspending. And on those days, A doesn’t eat or only eats the one meal of soup and mielie rice she  gets from the shelter.  She was living in her school uniform until I chucked out some clothes (not knowing that this was happening).  And she only got a pillow when I replaced my pillows a few weeks ago.

A, however, has actually studied during this time, and amazingly finished ALL her exams! Isn’t that incredible? Not sure whether I’d have been able to do that.

How can you, as a mother, abandon your child like that? It’s beyond me.  It doesn’t matter to me how cross she may have made you, but to know that your child is not getting food to feed your grandchild and is living in a dangerous shelter and do NOTHING about it, is completely beyond my comprehension.

I know one shouldn’t wish one’s life away… and it’s only 3 months until Christmas, but man, this month has been bad.  Next month can only be better.  @Tertia and @EveD were just saying the same thing on Twitter, and I have to moan here too!

Reasons why this month has been crap include:

1. Connor being hospitalised

2.  Lance still not finding a job

3.  Fights and more fights at work and everyone in the strangest of moods

4.  Nicole (SIL) being hospitalised for unknown causes

5.  Bradley starting to lie more and more often, and it’s a huge cause for concern

6.  Realisation that I have to redo a corporate shoot because I forgot to ask the men to wear jackets – so I know they won’t be accepted and I won’t be paid for it.

7.  I’m so very tired and I can’t snap out of this mood

8.  Pool looks like a pond, and we have to replace the pump and the filters and the pipes.

9.  Stove packed in, and still can’t find the cause for it… and we really don’t have the money to replace the whole thing

10. Garden is an absolute mess and needs time and money spent on it.

.. and the list goes on…