If you’ve been reading my photoblog you would have read about the pool accident on Sunday during Connor’s party.  I’m not going to repeat it there, because Fiona‘s also blogged about the story.

Basically we were all lucky.  Very lucky.

• Lucky that A didn’t run faster and hit the water harder and connect with Ethan’s back harder.
• Lucky that Lance realised so quickly what was happening and dived in to get him
• Lucky that Carl and Nicole were at the party and could check him out quickly and properly and immobilised him when they did

It only really hit home the next day though, when I read a Facebook note about a child from Pretoria whose story I’d been following since last year, and who died last week… she’d had a pool accident and was not as lucky as Ethan.

And it made me realise that I must be more vigilant with the kids.

I’ve tended to be more relaxed about them swimming.  Bradley can swim, so I’m no longer worried about him drowning.  Connor’s comfortable with his water wings now and lot more confident in the pool and is swimming underwater.

So I tend not to watch them closely anymore.  Well, not sure if I’m going to be as relaxed again.

It made me realise how quickly accidents happen, and that they’re not as robust as they sometimes seem.  Yes, it was a freak thing… but my oath, if this happened to one of the boys and I wasn’t around to help immediately I don’t think I would forgive myself.  Ever!

In fact, if Carl and Nicole weren’t around, and this had happened to my kids, I would have told them to get up and go and play once I’d seen that they were moving all their limbs!! And that would have been so so dangerous to do!! I shudder to think!

But anyhoo, this is the last time I’m going to dwell on this… all’s well that ends well… and everyone is fine!! Thank God!!

Oh but one thing we also learnt in the process… RICE helps fix phones that have water damage.  Lance has had his new Blackberry Torch in a bowl of rice for the last few days, after reading about it online, and it works!! Fancy that!! The rice seems to help drain all the moisture from the device.

Last year, the fact that my mom collected Connor was school was fine with him.  I don’t think he noticed who was collecting his friends.

This year it’s a different story, and it’s really pulling at my heartstrings.

My mom told me last week, that the one afternoon he watched his friend being collected by his mother, and he told my mom that he didn’t want her to fetch him… he wanted his mommy to come, like his friend’s mommy does.

My parents have gone away for a few days, so I went to pick them up this afternoon.  As soon as I got there, he literally climbed up me… and I mean literally… like a monkey.  He clung to me and buried his face in my neck and kissed me.

He then told me, repeatedly throughout the afternoon and evening, that he wants me to fetch him every day.

I must tell Granny that she mustn’t fetch him.

I can’t get him to understand that I need to work.

He has been a little on the infuriating side lately, but oh my word, he’s been funny too!

When I got home from the baby shoot yesterday, Beauty (my domestic who was looking after them while I worked) told me about this conversation she had with him.

Connor: “Beauty, do you have any children?”

Beauty: “Yes, two boys”

Connor: “Can they come play?”

Beauty: “No, they’re big now”

Connor: “What are their names?”

Beauty: “My one boy is Lucky, and the other boy is Surprise”

Connor: “You can’t name your boy that!! It’s a shop name!! We went to Mr Price yesterday!”

LOL!! Beauty apparently had her whole family laughing about the conversation last night

And this morning, he had me laughing when I took him Christmas shopping at Clearwater Mall.  We’d walked into Big Blue, and I was wondering around ogling at the gorgeous clothes that I was dying to buy.  I didn’t notice the shelves of adult toys that I was standing close to.

He did.

First he noticed the bow ties.  They’re in a box labelled “Dress up Willy” or something like that.  He asks what they are.  Thankfully, I could just say “Bow Tie” and he didn’t ask any more questions.

Then he notices the red furry handcuffs that are right next to the bow ties.

Connor: “Mommy, are those handcuffs?”

Me: “Yes” (hoping that would be the end of it)

Connor: “Can you buy me some?”

Me: “No, they’re not for little boys, they’re for girls… they’re red”

Connor: “Oh…. can we buy them for Erin’s Christmas present then?”

LOL!! Erin is his 3 year old cousin!! Thankfully I’ve bought and wrapped her present and that was a good enough excuse not to buy more for her!

Thank GOD Bradley wasn’t with me because he can read!

Yip, I’m thinking it’s nearly that time.

I always said that I would broach the birds and bees subject with the kids when they asked the questions, and I would be truthful.  It’s best to hear the proper story than a convoluted mess that kids can spin (and I would then have to unravel).

But after being asked the question today, by a colleague who has kids the same ages… I’ve decided that I’m not prepared for this at all.

And I think I need to be.

So now the question is… how have you told your kids?  And have you told them? And when did you tell your kids (age)?  What prompted it?

I looked on Kalahari this afternoon, and there are plenty books that explain it to kids, and for parents, but which ones are good?  Anyone have any idea?

This evening on the way home I had to chuckle.  I had this blog post in my head the whole afternoon, and then Connor pipes up from the back seat “Mommy, where do babies come from?”!! LOL! Talk about timing?!  Thankfully at his age, 3, the answer that babies come out of mommies tummies suffices… but Bradley’s going to need more information… question is… how much and what is age appropriate?

Oops missed a day…

This is Day 6 in the 30 truths for 30 days meme

This one is too easy for me… it revolves around death.

I hope I never have to bury one of my sons.  This has been a fear since I was pregnant with them.  It was one thing having so many miscarriages, but I just cannot fathom having to outlive them.

In a similar vein, I hope I never have to leave them without a mother. OK, it’s going to happen one day… but the thought of them being without me while they’re growing up just makes my heart sink.

This is Day 5 in the 30 truths for 30 days meme

Today’s topic is easy peasy!  There are loads of things I hope to do in my life… so I’ll stick to 5

1.  Watch my boys grow up to be successful men

2.  Be at my childrens’ weddings

3.  Get to know any grandchildren that I might have in future.

4.  Publish a photographic book – this one is a new one for me… but I’d love to be able to get people to buy a book of mine… with my art…  not just photos I took for them or of them.   The book doesn’t have to be in a IRL bookshop considering where things are going… but an online book seller of sorts.

5.  In the same vein… have a gallery exhibition of my art.

One day

Bradley was very upset the other day, and after a bit of probing, he just started crying that the other kids wouldn’t play with him.

Anyhoo, turned out that the other kids tease him because he plays with the girls sometimes, when the boys don’t want him to play with them.  They don’t want him to play with them because he seems to play soccer better than one of the other boys, and he seems to be the ringleader.

He then also added, that he doesn’t have Gogo Crazy Bones, so he can’t play with them.

**sigh**

After I asked him why he didn’t tell me that was a craze, he said that he’d just thought I wouldn’t buy it for him because I’ve drummed it into his head, that he’s not allowed to take toys to school.

**sigh**

So I went to buy some Gogos today.

Thing is, I would have bought them if he’d told me.  I remember the crazes at school, and how you HAD to have the same thing, or else you were shunned. I remember the issues with marbles and skipping ropes and elastics and card swapping and writing paper swapping… and this is definitely the beginning.

I started thinking about whether I was bugged about this or not.  And I realise I’m not.

Peer pressure at his age, or even Connor’s age makes me a little uncomfortable, just a little.

I don’t like the bullying part of it… like the one dude is clearly doing… and Bradley is unable to see that this child is just being mean to him when his own friendship with a common friend is threatened.

But I get it.

Even though it’s hard to me to watch him go through this, and harder for me to explain how he needs to deal with it, I do think he needs to go through it.

It’s preperation for the rest of his life.

It kills me to even think that… but bullies and peer pressure happens right throughout life.  Whomever thinks it’s restricted to schools is smoking something.  Unless we equip our kids to deal with it, they’re going to have a really rough time later on.

So, no matter how hard it is for me to handle, I must try and help him deal with it.

Being a parent is not easy.  It makes you question everything.  The system.  The environment.  And your own history.

This conversation happened this morning, while we were having tea in bed.

Connor: “Next time when I’m a dad, I’m going to marry you mommy.  And daddy is going to marry you.”

He says “next time” when he refers to time going foward, he hasn’t got the notion of a few years or tomorrow yet.

Me:  “Aww that’s lovely my boy, that makes me happy”

**Silence***

Connor:  “And Bradley… ummm… Mommy, can boys get married to boys?”

Oh wow, wasn’t sure whether to tell the truth, because a lie would just have been so much easier.

Me:  “Yes, in South Africa, boys can marry boys”

Connor looked a little shocked at that, before he asked why.  I then explained that sometimes boys don’t like girls, and only like boys.

And there was a little more silence while he digested this.

Connor: “I don’t like boys that much.  I think I’ll marry Jade.”

I took the day off today to take photos of Angel’s final dress fitting in anticipation for her wedding this Saturday.  Because Connor is yet again sick (after only 4 days back at school ) he tagged along with me while I shopped up a storm.

So on the way to Clearwater, he pipes up “How do mommies and daddies get babies in their tummies?”

OMG seriously!! He’s 3 for crying out aloud!! I’m not ready for that question!!

**silence** **because he floored me with that one**

“Do they buy them in the shops?”

Oooh I was tempted, very tempted.

So in the end I said “The baby grows in the mommy’s tummy when the mommy and daddy love each other lots and lots”

And then he replies “Do you love daddy a lot?”

Oh boy “Yes I do”

I knew this reply was coming “So where’s the baby in your tummy?”

Glad he soon lost his trail of thought once I told him that he was my baby and I’m not having anymore because I’m too old

I read about the Violence Unsilenced blog a few months ago, and I went to read a few entries that day. It’s an incredible blog. It’s written by people who have experienced some kind of domestic violence, and people use the blog to recount their stories. It’s about speaking out.

Then 2 days ago, one of the bloggers I follow, posted a link on Twitter to Brian’s story.
While I can’t personally relate to the story, it struck a cord in me. One of my greatest fears is that my boys experience something like he did. And that they perpetuate what they experienced.

It’s such a difficult thing to teach your kids what to look out for in life. There’s a fine line between getting them to understand gently and scaring them shitless.

But teach them we must. Even though I don’t want to explain “why” at times. Even though it’s uncomfortable. Because it will save them a lifetime of pain and asking why.

I got an email from him after I commented on the post, and he said “hold your boys close”

And that’s what I’m going to try and do.