Friday 16th…
When they did the apgar checks in the nursery they discovered that he could not breathe on his own at all. Connor was put onto the ventilators in NICU at 70% oxygen. He had a feeding tube in his nose, a drip on his hand and foot, and a line going through his bellybutton.
They wheeled me in to see him at about 8pm. It was so surreal.

He improved overnight, and by the end of Saterday he was down to 30% oxygen. He was breathing mostly on his own.
I really had my first wobbly that day. I went to see him during the day, and he started crying. Words cannot express how sad it is to see your baby crying and there is no sound. 🙁 The feeding tube goes past his vocal cords and it stops his voice from working.
They started feeding him formula – 5ml’s. i decided not to breastfeed after the palava with Bradley.

There was NO improvement. Again, a very hard day.
OK, I lie. When we went to see him in the morning, he hadn’t passed meconium yet, so they gave him an enema and that worked! And they increased his food to 10mls, but were concerned about the amount of gastric discharge (basically he wasn’t absorbing enough).
Still on 30% oxygen, and we got told he’d probably be in NICU for up to 3 weeks.
I didn’t have a good evening. The fact that I was leaving my baby there was very hard for me to come to terms with.

I got discharged. The gynae has given me anti-depressants and she is concerned that I'm too “blue”. I haven’t taken them though. I think I’ll be ok. I have told Lance to watch me though LOL! Poor man!
Connor is doing OK today. He was put under the blue lights today as his bilirubin levels are a bit high, but that's no real surprise. The breathes per minute have been reduced to 13 (from 60 when he was born), so he is less reliant on the machine for breathing. His feeds are still 10ml's every 3 hours, but he’s absorbing them today. And…. he’s sucking his dummy!!! The first signs that he can suck. He knows our voices too – he calmed down immediately when I got there today – I started singing to him when he was crying. I can’t do much else really.
Bradley is back to “normal” today with me being at home. I feel so sorry for him.
We are going to spend our mornings with Connor while Bradley is at school, and then spend the afternoons with Bradley. I just wish Bradley could see Connor.