I’ve always had an issue when I’ve been asked what my 5 or 10 year plan is. Seriously, who really does that and seriously believes what they say? I’ve also always felt that my life has progressed because of small decisions and changes that are made every day, and that it’s a gradual process. I’ve also felt that where I am in life is because that’s where it’s led me and that I haven’t done anything magical to get it there, or made very strong decisions along the way to change course… they’ve just tended to happen.

I’ve also kinda believed over the last few years that I tend to go with the flow, not that that’s always a good thing, but I think because life has just worked so well, that going with the flow has been an OK thing to do.

Well, it turns out that I’ve changed my tune a bit about that.

Turns out that I’ve discovered a few things about myself in the last few weeks:

1.  Even though I’m happy to go with the flow to some extent, I need direction of sorts.

2.  There needs to be a grander plan of sorts, and if I can’t see it, then I’m not a happy camper.

3.  And I’m not a happy camper, then things have to change… fast.

So, I have a few decisions to make over the next while.  I need to get some control back.

In fact, that’s it! It’s control!! It’s always about control for me.

**This is becoming a ramble now because typing this out has made me realise the actual issue**

I’ve always been a bit OCD or maybe more than a bit (just ask my mom and Lance), but since Bradley was born I’ve let that go a bit.  And since Connor, I’ve really had to let that go.  I no longer have tight reins over everything the kids do in the house.  It’s no longer as perfect as I would like it.  I no longer have that control, and it’s been OK for a while.  And that’s rubbed off in other areas of my life… and actually… I’m NOT OK with it.

I need to get control back.

The question is… how?  And do I have the energy?

PS.  the photo may seem strange… but that’s how I feel at the moment… prickly